Busy, Busy, Busy

Now that Robert and Kiba (Sean's dog) have returned to Iowa with Sean at work I have a LOT of free time. Since I have been here I have been doing all the cleaning, washing and cooking. Basically Mom stuff. While Sean tends to be pretty tidy there are just some things that I think guys don't necessarily think of. Like scrubbing the rim of the toilet bowl, boy was that gross. Another thing would be vacuuming. You know going around the edges by the baseboard with the edge cleaner, moving the coffee table, going under the bed. I feel fairly confident that this apartment is probably the cleanest it has been since he moved in here. Now that Kiba is gone and I don't have to worry about running him out I have even more time to do stuff. Although, I have to say that I miss him because he was a lot of company during the day and I could talk to him, cry with him and he just listened without offering any kind of input, positive or negative. Of course, like all dogs he seemed to think that a good lick from the dog cures your woes and he is surprisingly right. Before Robert left on Saturday I laid in a supply of reading materials and I organized the yarn I had with me into plastic bags with their respective patterns (okay, I know it is a little OCD but that is just me). I suspect that I am going to be getting a lot of knitting done.

It was really cruddy here in NC this morning. It has been snowing although it looks like it is already melting off. It was very gloomy but the sun is trying to come out. It was really cold for here too. Unfortunately it is not supposed to get very warm here today. I am focusing on later in the week when the temperature is going to be in the high 60's and eventually into the 70's. Thank goodness I also got some more spring like clothes the other day as all I bought with me was really winter stuff. I am hoping to motivate Sean to get some collapsible chairs to put out on his little patio. I enjoy sitting outside and reading, knitting or just enjoying the fresh air when the days are warmer.

I think we may be making some progress on the drinking issue. He seems to be trying very hard not to drink like he had been. I feel like he is making some progress on that front and that certainly is positive. I am going to talk to his psychologist about putting him on a anti-depressant and something to help him sleep. Hopefully, that will help with the anger/sadness about what occured in Iraq and help with the drinking because he is self-medicating himself to deal with these issues. The more we can keep him from drinking the sooner he can enter a program to deal with the PTSD.

I am so thankful for all the prayers and long distance support I have gotten, for people putting our names on the prayer list in the Temple. Thanks again for all this loving support.

Still Hanging Out in NC

This past week has been incredibly frustrating. Robert arrived a week ago and the intent was to take me and Kiba back home to Iowa while Sean entered his PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) program. We had a pretty good weekend, got Sean all packed up on Sunday night and we all headed out to our various destinations early Monday morning. We got a call from Sean just as we were getting to Lexington, KY saying he was turned away from his program, we later found out that he had failed the breathalizer. So we turned around and headed back to Fayetteville, NC and arrived back here early on Tuesday afternoon. Robert took the rest of the week off to be here and try to help get this circus organized. We have talked to tons of people, found out that the Army is really messed up and really didn't get any solid answers from anyone. There has been lots of praying and tears of frustration that we seem to be at some sort of stalemate as to how to get him treated. The week culminated with Robert and Kiba (Sean's dog) leaving this morning to return to Iowa with me staying here with Sean. Today I am very melancholy . . . I feel like I am spinning my wheels. Hopefully, I can annoy enough people early enough in the week to come that we can try to get some kind of resolution or at a minimum start making some real progress towards solving this dilema.

While it is incredibly hard for me to apart from Robert we both truly feel that at this moment in time I need to be here with Sean. If it means I have to pat him down every single day for a bottle of alcohol, so be it. The hardest thing is the lack of a support system here. Robert does a wonderful job from a distance but it is just not the same as having him here with me. Plus, this time I don't even have the dog for company when Sean is at work! I have also had to buy some new outfits as I packed for winter and Spring is really trying to begin here. Although, they do have snow forecast for tomorrow so it is kind of hard to see. Thank Heavenly Father for small blessings like Target.

Thank Heavenly Father for Kind People in High Places

For those of you that have been following the blog you know that I have been in North Carolina for going on three months to assist Sean with getting into a program for his already diagnosed PTSD/Alcohol Abuse. It has been a roller coaster of a ride with him. I have felt frustration, pain and absolute despair, sometimes all in one day. He has always been a remarkably resilient and strong person. His original tour of Iraq (he was part of the original push to Baghdad) has left him depressed and struggling with how a loving, caring God can allow good friends to die right before your eyes. He has been struggling with this for some time now and the continued promises to get him help just weren't materializing and his condition was in my opinion beginning to deteriorate which I felt was a direct result of the upcoming anniversary of his deployment to Iraq. Finally on Friday I had had a enough. Sean was fortunate to serve in Iraq with a man who has since left the Army and gone on to be a Congressman from Pennsylvania. He has kept in contact with Sean. I mean really how many people get personal correspondence from a Congressman or a phone call at Christmas and your birthday from one (especially when you can't even vote for him) I called his office, talked to him, talked with his Veteran/Foreign Affairs liaison and they really got the ball rolling. I also called and talked to Sean's psychologist, his company commander and former 1st Sargent and just about anyone else I thought could help.

Thanks to the Congressman and other people who care for him we now have a date for his entrance into the PTSD/Substance Abuse program that is in Hampton, VA. He will be entering the program on 23 February, which is less than two weeks. I am so excited for him and so thankful for the kind people that Heavenly Father has put in his life that were willing to step up and get him the help that he needs. Last night I saw a faint glimmer of the Sean that was prior to his deployment. It makes my heart break that he has had to go through this and there have been countless hours of prayer, but I am convinced that Heavenly Father has something greater in-store for him and that good will come out of this.

For me, I am so anxious to be back in Waterloo with my honey. I have missed him terribly and he has been wonderfully supportive of me being here. I miss my Ward family at Church and can't wait to see all of them. I have felt the strength of their love and support the entire time I have been gone. One of the first things I want to do when I get back is to take a weekend and spend an entire Saturday at the temple in Nauvoo. I need the peace that it brings to me.

Time Marches On

I can't believe it has been so long since I have posted to my blog. My New Year's resolution was to blog on a more frequent basis. I am still in North Carolina with Sean, I actually woke up this morning with Sean letting Kiba (his dog) into the room with me at about 5:30 a.m. which is our daily routine and Sean telling me, "Hey Mom, it is snowing outside". Since I have been here we have had snow twice, before this year they hadn't had any snow in five years. While I know that this comes no where close to the winter they have been having in Waterloo, you would be amazed how even a small amount of snow paralyzes a southern city. Just so you know the first snow we had closed Ft. Bragg and Pope Air Force Base, I guess who had to call back if there was some kind of national emergency.

It seems hard to believe that I have been away from Waterloo for going on three months. More amazing is that I have been away from my sweetie going on two months, I miss him so much. I have been very happy to be here for Sean and I think it has been very important that I be here. On MLK day he had a full blown seizure and thankfully I was here with him. I was able to lift him off the couch (all 150 pounds of him) and place him on the floor so he wouldn't hurt himself, call the ambulance, wrangle the dog into his cage and ride in the ambulance with him to Womack Army Medical Center which is on Ft. Bragg. Mother adrenalin rocks, I mean when would I normally be able to lift that much weight with no problem. I am so thankful that Heavenly Father was here with me and was able to keep me calm, collected and strong. It is so awesome how He looks after us. We spent two days in ICU recovering from the seizure. I certainly which they would finally pinpoint what was causing them.

We are going one step at a time. First we need to deal with the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from his first tour in Iraq. This has been particulary hard, there is absolutely nothing in the Mom manual on how to deal with a son who returns from war and cannot get the horrific details and images out of his head. I do think we are making some progress on this front too. I feel sorry for the men and woman who don't have someone to be an advocate for them and to fight for the appropriate treatment. We have an added adavantage that my time in the Army helps me to understand the workings on the Army and military medicine in particular.

On another note, Sean seved with a guy in Iraq who has gone on to be a congressman who still keeps in touch with Sean. I mean, how many people get a call from a congressman for Christmas or their birthday. I happen to have his private cell phone number thanks to Sean and I am going to give him a call and tell him how horrified I am about the way these veterans are being been treated or more importantly having to fight for treatment.

This is about enough for this post. Continued prayers are greatly appreciated for Sean. To my Ward Family in Waterloo, IA I miss you guys so much.